Monday, March 28, 2011

Vanity,,,,the lunch box.....the brain. An A.M. ramble....

ok, folks, it's an earlier-than-usual post, so I've not had time to think all this out.

I'm probably about as vain as the next girl.....unless she is Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, or any other socialite/law-breaker/female who needs to be in the public eye.  I'm almost old enough to be their mother, which probably helps.  Closer to home, lets see.....nope.  I have one or two, maybe three neighbor ladies around my age, and every danged one of them steps out of the house looking more pulled together than I do.  I'm not calling them vain, by the way - they just happen to have a healthy dose of pride in not stepping out looking like a Hot Mess! Props, says I.

I don't seem to have that awareness.  When I want to look like, well, someone who doesn't look like I Normally do, I can pull it off, but I'm always horrified how much I've forgotten about the do, do-nots, of makeup. I'm not kidding, if there is a local event that I ever have to attend more formal than school conferences or Church, I may hire a makeup artist!  If I feel like the budget needs a break, I do not schedule hair appts - disclosure, at age 41 I'm about 80 FREAKING PERCENT GRAY. And let's not talk about body awareness. Because I've just become aware of something I do not like.

I have about 3 areas of vanity I Am aware of. #3 My mostly wrinkle-free skin.  #2 My creativity.  #1 My gorgeous family. Funny, because I can take credit for none of them. Skin tone and wrinkles are driven by heredity, as is at least half of the way we think.  I chose a pretty handsome husband, but that's all the credit I can take for my kids.  Silly, huh? However.

My daughter, aged 3, took a picture of me in the early morning one day.  My hair was not tidied, I was still puffy around the eyes, and she went in for the close up.  I was leaning my head on my left hand, so I just shut my eyes. The picture was...bad! Really Bad!

My hands and wrists are always thin, but from the angle she took it, the left ones looked skeletal.  Motherhood has sallowed my skin - but I didn't know I had a brownish-yellow patch by my right eye! My skin had no wrinkles, but it looked slack, like the muscles were Gone.  To sum up, I looked malnourished. (Disclosure - I'm about 10 lbs thinner than when I got married almost 8 years ago, and about the same weight as when I got pregnant with my second child. My metabolism is fairly high, so I've never had eating disorders or dieted.  A medium cardigan from H&M is too tight on my arms (which are toned) and a little tight at the hips (which are NOT). My pants are 4's as I'm only 5'2".)

My husband and I have some concern about our diets - and my current inability to comfortably process fast food, so we shopped at Whole Foods on Saturday. We're replacing white-flour foods with whole wheat, and for frozen foods, we are going with organic.  We'll have to get organic produce and meat products locally at Target or Rainbow, or the college funds for the babies will be blown by next Tuesday.  Since seeing the horrible pic, which I now actually wish I hadn't deleted, I'm thinking vitamin supplements are in order - hello fish oil - we meet again! This could improve my  focus, and help me better  plan meals (which I suck at), so we don't rely on Subway or pre-packaged foods as much in a pinch.

WHERE the heck am I going with all this babble??!!!

I'm aware I'm a scatterbrain sometimes.  I'm also aware that I'm criminally averse to exercise, that I love coffee more than I love breakfast, and that honestly, if I don't eat well, my vitamins make me want to throw up. I'm aware that now my life is busier again, I'm falling behind on a lot of my daily routines, so they don't get done until late at night. So, there's choices - always.

Right now, if I can start improving the quality of food allowed in the door of our home, maybe I can fix my stomach up a bit. (yes, I could talk to my dr., but she and I have a few things to discuss first - like my damned yellow complexion!!) The truth is, that picture looked like a woman who ate indifferently, did not exercise, and did not care how she looked.  Not someone to inspire her kids toward a healthy diet. Or towards taking good care of themselves.

Maybe vanity isn't so bad after all....


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