Sunday, February 17, 2013


The world works in mysterious ways.

It's funny to me when people discuss the dark nights of winter. In Minnesota, generally, we have enough snow cover, and a good chance of minute ice crystals in the air, that any light we do have gets bounced around like crazy.

Light "pollution" from above And below.

I meant to have the office done by tomorrow. I dug into it pretty well initially, and then a good-sized chunk of life dug into my week. And I re-remembered some useful lessons in humility that set my perspective back to "real time".

About as real as it can get.

By "humility" I mean a real sense of scale, where self importance is concerned. And vanity, and time, more than anything else.

A movie I am getting (ahem. Somewhat) obsessed with is "Into Great Silence". It's a documentary on the monks of the Grand Chartruese (Carthusians, to put it another way.) Director Philip Groning shot there for 6 months -after waiting 16 years for permission to do so. Fitting, as his initial idea was to make a documentary about time, and it's passage. Ironically for me, minutes lately take on a persistent and speaking importance, whereas a trait Groning had picked up on was the fearlessness of the monks - the sense that whatever the morning brought was to be embraced or, perhaps, accepted calmly as part of Gods way, maybe. I could be paraphrasing badly, here.

Sometimes, the sense of knowing we are small is a relief, other times a pressure-point. Right now, strive for fearlessness though I might, I am feeling the pressure of the worth of my minutes. Well spent, and poorly, alike.

Were I to total them up, I am afraid I would find too many spent on myself, compared with what I have devoted to others. Not a bad way to motivate my tomorrow, but utterly useless to redeem the past. Still, nice to know that such personal mortification may have a useful role. I do not think I am  going all drama-queen here either, by the way. We all know what our self-indulgences are, and mine is so very precious.

Perfect, isolate, moments of hoarded time.

Maybe one role for humility comes at a small price of shame.

I'm not awake enough to pursue this twisty thought train much further. I'll put my awareness of weakness to work, to feel comfortable with how my time is spent. It comes from a bank with no insurance, after all.

And there's no way possible to pay it back.

So here I go, off again, to strive once more to use time wisely. If time comes at a cost, and humility is the debt, at least the striving can make headway in the ledger :-)

Good night, sparkly, snowy world.

Give yourself a glittering tomorrow, filled with cherished time.


Monday, February 4, 2013

Mr. Insomnia, This Had Better Be Good

Good, well, early, morning to you all.

Here at 'freezing-yourt-tushie-off', Minnesota, I have cleared the last figurative hurdle in beating down a four-day pesky head-cold/brutal allergies session. And am sipping french roast while laptop-gazing and noting the occasional snowplow lights. And am pondering how much french roast will be needed to get me through the day.

I usually get allergies when highly stressed/not getting enough sleep. Even if nothing else should come of it, I am surely setting myself up for an interesting Tuesday!

The problem with getting up (coughing) unexpectedly is that the new project on my brain presents too many things to think about. Challenges that need to be looked at down the road, but that may be that I am just focusing on those challenges because they are less immediate than my daily challenges. Basic ones - nutrition for the kids (she still doesn't like many foods), exercise (my son needs like 2 more hours of it Every Day), basic discipline and routines. Mommy stuff (well, This mommy, anyway.)

The kicker is that when my son can't sleep, I tell him to think about Fun things. Plan out fun projects. Pretend you're fishing with Uncle Jeff and you caught a whopper!! When I try the same thing, it turns into a to-do list.

So, this is what I came up with:
 - make coffee (obviously. done)
 - follow another link or two from The Paris Apartment, or another French-themed blog (inspiration)
 - Plan today's meals (maybe use some of that inspiration)
 - greet my husband with a real breakfast
 - see which of the kids still has a fever, then feed Them their breakfast
 - drink the other half of the coffee pot.
 - work on the office as planned. The goal is to make it more usable by next Monday for filing and painting the project pieces. By way of explanation, I should say that not even my daughter can sneak in there without tripping or getting stuck, and she has the tiniest feet in the house!! To be fair, there IS a dog kennel in the middle of the floor ;-) And a cute dog that sleeps in there at night.

So, there you have it. A plan.

Not much of a plan, I grant you. But it should take me through the next 5 hours or so.




Are you kidding me?



(sighs. shakes head)


Gonna be a long day indeed......

Make it a good one!