I think I'm sabotaging myself. I just figured it out.
I am not being massively productive these days. I am (clearly)LATE on my check in - which I actually care about this morning, but was too tired to accomplish yesterday. To be fair, I was also HUGELY disappointed last night - one of the occasional benefits of being a northern gal is that we can get a pretty good shot at northern lights. After Tuesday's solar storm, we should have had some good ones. About the same time the sun FINALLY gave up and set (10:20) or so.....the clouds rolled in. Damn damn damn. So, despite my earlier, EXCITED resolve, my (proverbial) gas tank emptied flat out and no check in for me.
I said I am sabotaging myself, because I've taken away a key element of excitement in writing - not knowing what happens next. I know pretty much what happens in every aspect of the story, so the impetus is blunted a bit. I doubt that's my biggest problem though.
SUMMER is my biggest problem!!
Kid schedules - baseball practice, karate practice, daily violin, swimming lessons, ballet lessons, birthday parties, play dates, gardening time with the grandparents, graduations - and that's the FUN stuff! (and it is fun - my daughter (aged 3) had her first ballet lesson last night. And I don't think I've ever seen anything sweeter - each girl would have looked perfectly at home atop her own white fluffy cupcake!) That's not counting all the other stuff that we have to stuff in between(meals, laundry, exercise, grocery shopping, connecting with friends and family!!) Or just trying to have more time to connect with Jon than just evening news and talking budget and schedules! Time management is my (boringly) repeated albatross, and I don't think the implications of summer have sunk in at all. Until now.
The only honest thing to do here is commit to one writing session per week, grimace at my ineptitude at that time thing, get my genius six yr. old son to invent a time-slowing-down machine, and just go with the flow. I have not given up on the story. It's been hanging around for 6 dang years, it ain't going anywhere. I haven't done a lick of poetry (although I'm mentally revising an unsettling one about tornadoes) and honestly, it's wayyyyyy off the radar. In my last post, I was determined to keep up with the daily 30 minutes. I guess I'm just going to have to work up to that with babysteps - Somehow. Right now, I'm sticking to 30 minutes of exercise, which I hate doing, but then I can stick to ANYTHING for week one!! We'll see how long that lasts. If you were to note that I have RAPIDLY shifting priorities for my 'spare time', I would have to say yes, yes indeedy. Such is life, such is me.
Am I signing up for round three of ROW 80?