Well, snow is finally flying around the Orchid House, the kids are sleeping - hell, the entire HOUSE is sleeping, save me and the .....hmm.
Looks like the cats are out too.
There's a lot of backstory to my lull in posting here.
I don't care to drag out the details, so we will sum up.
Got your coffee now? Maybe tea? :-)
Back in July, we were coming to terms with the loss of my dear cousin Tina. That really is something we are not at terms with, so we concentrate on the hurt she is no longer in. It doesn't make things better, but it helps me make sense, I guess....
We were also experiencing major problems working with the builder of our home, as cracks kept erupting in our basement walls, doors and windows were sticking, and the house seemed to be having trouble...coping.
Realizing we were inflicting a no-yard, no-fun summer on the kids, we scrapped our plans to take them out west for fossil-hunting (those pesky wildfires - from our standpoint. For those affected, think 'blazing infernoes from hell') and went to Chicago. We stayed three days (tall ships, Shedd Aquarium, the Natural History Museum, the tower, you know, tourist traps) and then went to Wisconsin Dells for some more kid-friendly fun. Upon our return, grass was finally in the back yard and watered long enough to actually play on, and we approached the builder about the cracking basement. And garage floor. And driveway. And paid the water bill.
Fast-forward to September, with core-fills throughout the entire basement that didn't stop any movement in the walls, and a new finish-the-basement scheme we hatched, so that my mother could move in with us. By the end of September, we had EIGHT pilings driven TWENTY-EIGHT FEET under our house, to keep it from tipping into the front yard any further. New sod to water Again (hello, new Giant Water Bill) And our own version of 'basement crashers' as we finished the basement - from framing to plumbing, electricity, drywall, flooring, tiling, paint, and trim - in three weeks.
My daughter had a tonsil surgery in there, somewhere. And, to keep my weeks interesting (or something. Maybe I've just never been able to resist a genuine plea for help that involves my children) I am now - lord help me - volunteering twice a week with a classroom reading program, and Once each month to present an artist to 4 sections in one grade.
Since we've clearly segued straight to the pathetic pity party zone - I am going to point out that this whole thing has gone on it's way with NO SNOW until two days ago. I am CERTAIN i am in the minority on this one, but I have a horrible time focusing and functioning when the seasons do NOT do what they are supposed to. I am adrift, people, and it makes me (and thereby those around me) NUTS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, let's leave that pity party in the past, shall we? (Good, it wasn't much fun for me either. But I feel better now. Oh, LOok, SNOW!)
Friday night, we endured the usual crappy traffic that comes with heavy wet snow, and went to see the Twin Cities Ballet's lovely production of "The Nutcracker". (That wasn't the Royal We, this post - my brave mother, and my 5 yr. old Siena were on board.) Speaking of parties, Siena finally got to have a buddy party at our house for her birthday (our townhome was WAYY too small for such things), and she asked for a 'nutcracker' theme. For the invites, I used a vintage-looking nutcracker scrapbook-page for the card back, then printed the details on vellum (carefully, what a pain in the neck!). Each card was different, and I threaded a sheer pink ribbon through a hole punch on each, and tied the ribbon to a pine sprig and a peppermint stick. I should have thought that through further, as each candy cane was smashed to bits by the post office! I heard they smelled nice, anyway!!
Yesterday, we went Christmas tree hunting in the scant snow, found a nice looking frazier fir, went grocery shopping (food for today) and picked up chinese food (for that night). The kids got most of the tree decorated for me, all I have left today is hanging icicles and a few round colored ornaments left. I am dressing up the house today too. Remember me mentioning the vellum printing was a pain? I saved the screwed up, pearlized, invitation sheets and cut them into snowflakes (taking advantage of that 'crafty-printed-word ' look). I am going to hang them with pinecones over the bathroom window (still no curtain. Thank goodness it's a high window!!) The rest of the day is for snowballs, making soup, and baking more cookies.
And for counting some serious blessings.
A fixed house, one that has room to take others in.
Healthy children
A yard to play in
Time with family and friends
And a snow day, where we have to stay home. Together.
I hope your day has even more blessings than mine. Thanks so much for stopping by :-)
(Now, go play in the snow....)
s.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
flattened.
There are people who Major in eloquence. Their outgrown bedroom slippers shine with it, they quip the way I snore (effortlessly and with Great Abandon) and they can talk their way out of ...of....a polar bear's jaws, I imagine.
And, then, there are people like me, who majored in 'foot in mouth disease' in college.
(Or was that just co-authoring 'Verbal Mortification for Dummies'?)
Eloquence is what I could use right now.
My dear young cousin Tina struggled against her failing health...until she really didn't have much left to work with. And then her spirit flew free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are many ways to write about loss, but this loss isn't mine to write about. I have gratitude for the care she received in her final weeks, but the pain she lived with for the last three years is nothing you can address in a quip, or epigram.
She was blessed with dear friends, a fiercely devoted mother, a loving brother with a wonderful family, and a a large extended family, and I think all of us are feeling pretty flattened. Long-term illness can wear at people, even when they aren't the actual victim. So....how does it demolish the will of the ill?
I sent sunflowers, for her, and as a tribute from all her cousins who share her generation. Recognizing genuine good, and joy, is hard from this vantage point. Some of Tina's family - as many as could come - shared her final three days in the hospital. Not because they are heroically selfless people, but because they are family - and wanted to help carry the burden of sadness for awhile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are days when we question 'why'. Why are we here?
Carrying the burdens makes the joyous times so much sweeter - maybe that is part of it.
This post, on review, is clumsy, half-articulate, and....lacking, I suppose. On the other hand, that pretty much sums up how I feel.
That, and rather flattened.
But I leave you with this - that when (not if) this road is what you walk, I wish that your friends and family - and maybe even complete strangers - show up when you need them. Even if you think you don't.
And they do what we did.
We tried to help carry the burden.
s.
And, then, there are people like me, who majored in 'foot in mouth disease' in college.
(Or was that just co-authoring 'Verbal Mortification for Dummies'?)
Eloquence is what I could use right now.
My dear young cousin Tina struggled against her failing health...until she really didn't have much left to work with. And then her spirit flew free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are many ways to write about loss, but this loss isn't mine to write about. I have gratitude for the care she received in her final weeks, but the pain she lived with for the last three years is nothing you can address in a quip, or epigram.
She was blessed with dear friends, a fiercely devoted mother, a loving brother with a wonderful family, and a a large extended family, and I think all of us are feeling pretty flattened. Long-term illness can wear at people, even when they aren't the actual victim. So....how does it demolish the will of the ill?
I sent sunflowers, for her, and as a tribute from all her cousins who share her generation. Recognizing genuine good, and joy, is hard from this vantage point. Some of Tina's family - as many as could come - shared her final three days in the hospital. Not because they are heroically selfless people, but because they are family - and wanted to help carry the burden of sadness for awhile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are days when we question 'why'. Why are we here?
Carrying the burdens makes the joyous times so much sweeter - maybe that is part of it.
This post, on review, is clumsy, half-articulate, and....lacking, I suppose. On the other hand, that pretty much sums up how I feel.
That, and rather flattened.
But I leave you with this - that when (not if) this road is what you walk, I wish that your friends and family - and maybe even complete strangers - show up when you need them. Even if you think you don't.
And they do what we did.
We tried to help carry the burden.
s.
Friday, July 6, 2012
struggle....
good morning, to you who are there :-)
most people tend to be a little out of touch around the fourth. I am wayyyyy more out of touch than usual - and it would almost be fun to say something like I am 'focusing on myself' or...redecorating the couch, or some damned thing.
i have instead been more than a bit caught up in my cousin's health struggles. She is a dialysis patient who has had horrific health problems, that have gone un-addressed for far too long. So, Mayo Clinic - St. Mary's - is doing their best to shore up her health and restore her.
She is terribly fragile, but has been terrifically strong. The praying knees are out in force, because it's healthier for her, and for us, than pacing. Her mother - who is very strong, and very soft, and very dear to us - is going through a hell that is unimaginable. As is her brother and his family.
Our extended family is huge, and when that happens, statistically, there is 'more'.
More weddings, births, illnesses, divorces, accidents, blessings, fights, and love. When I was much younger, I - and some of the rest of us - thought we were almost bulletproof. My maternal grandfather (his sketch is in the gallery :-)) was a ferociously protective family man - he'd been an only child, didn't want that for any child of his, so he had nine. He was adamant that his children make up together from fights, whether they were old or young. And he had the misery to bury two sons and a grandson - my brother.
It would be easy to dwell on the past sadness while walking through the present. But, focusing on my sweetheart cousin is the most important thing. Her mother and brother are the most important things.
They make my current frustrations shrink down to realistic size, but also make me regret that my energies are divided. Doing the best I can, on all fronts, whether I make mistakes in the process or not, will at least help me sleep at night.
I hope that for you as well.
s.
most people tend to be a little out of touch around the fourth. I am wayyyyy more out of touch than usual - and it would almost be fun to say something like I am 'focusing on myself' or...redecorating the couch, or some damned thing.
i have instead been more than a bit caught up in my cousin's health struggles. She is a dialysis patient who has had horrific health problems, that have gone un-addressed for far too long. So, Mayo Clinic - St. Mary's - is doing their best to shore up her health and restore her.
She is terribly fragile, but has been terrifically strong. The praying knees are out in force, because it's healthier for her, and for us, than pacing. Her mother - who is very strong, and very soft, and very dear to us - is going through a hell that is unimaginable. As is her brother and his family.
Our extended family is huge, and when that happens, statistically, there is 'more'.
More weddings, births, illnesses, divorces, accidents, blessings, fights, and love. When I was much younger, I - and some of the rest of us - thought we were almost bulletproof. My maternal grandfather (his sketch is in the gallery :-)) was a ferociously protective family man - he'd been an only child, didn't want that for any child of his, so he had nine. He was adamant that his children make up together from fights, whether they were old or young. And he had the misery to bury two sons and a grandson - my brother.
It would be easy to dwell on the past sadness while walking through the present. But, focusing on my sweetheart cousin is the most important thing. Her mother and brother are the most important things.
They make my current frustrations shrink down to realistic size, but also make me regret that my energies are divided. Doing the best I can, on all fronts, whether I make mistakes in the process or not, will at least help me sleep at night.
I hope that for you as well.
s.
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